How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
