Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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