Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
