I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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