Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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