Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My ass is underappreciated
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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