The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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