Kiss
Puke
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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