Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
