White coat. Heels.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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