you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
