ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
