Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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