how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
