It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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