But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Gay?
German.
Pity.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
