I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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