i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
