too bad you live with your parents still
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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