I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
