We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
