Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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