i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How's work?
Spinning.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
