I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
