please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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