I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
