One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
