time to smoke my breakfast
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize