We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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