Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
