the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They took my balls.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
