what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
