: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
