Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A bitchslap is in order.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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