It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
