Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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