OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
