I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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