No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
