I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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