u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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