kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
