Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
