yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
