So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize