First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
