My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
