All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
its not stalking. its research.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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