Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
