What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
