So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
