You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
