I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
