last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
