you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
