we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
