we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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