so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
