my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I want a musical about memes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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