Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
