Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
