Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize