I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
