Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
