It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
