she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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