You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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