what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
