bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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