My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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