he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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