do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
