a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
