I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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