the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
