hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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