I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
