drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
