Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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