dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize