He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is the high leading the old right now
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
