at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
