Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
