dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
