just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
