Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
