It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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