my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
