I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize