After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
