You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
