well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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