woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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