Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
