Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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