I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
