Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
