He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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