sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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