I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
