walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she told me i tasted like america
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
