you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
