i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
