It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
