I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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