your room smells of hookers.
And success
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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