i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
