I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
