How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
