Tell her she can't have a vagina
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
